It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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