This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
