and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
