I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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