A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
