I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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