He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
