i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
