I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
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On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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