I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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