I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
