A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
