Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
is that a dick in a sweater?
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