I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
