if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
