i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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