..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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