Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you win again, gameday.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize