Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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