There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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