My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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