I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
