So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
