i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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