We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I will be naked everywhere
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
