The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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