i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
