can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
