Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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