Moan for me like Helen Keller
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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