Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
