Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
