There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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