The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
