i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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