Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We had to coat check the pizza.
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i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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