May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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