so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
