Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
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Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
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Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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