when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
