bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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