if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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