The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
