Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
