My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
