I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
