she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
