Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
