A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
