I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
