Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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