Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
