Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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