Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
