Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
