also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
