I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
