I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
