Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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