Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
