he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize