he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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