You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
