I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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