i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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