While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
