your parents love me but you hate me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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