why didn't you poke me back
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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