I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
