I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I met the friendliest cop last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Randomize
