rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
