3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
