he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
