Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
