my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
