So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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