did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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